Hey peeps! It’s time for THE Main Event Review. If you’re not in the loop, then let me fill you in. I will no longer be covering this show weekly. I think it works better if I cover two shows in one column. This week we have the 4/24 and 5/1 episodes on tap so let’s jump right in.
WWE Main Event 4/24/13
Shinedown’s “Diamond Eyes” is one bad ass song. I just wanted to get that out there.
The show starts off with JBL in the ring. He insults Michael Cole some and then shows highlights of Mark Henry attacking Sheamus over the past couple of weeks. After the video airs, Mizark comes down to the ring. Henry says that he proved to Sheamus that it does matter how big and strong you are. JBL gets a little too excited saying “that’s what you do”. Henry thinks he’s making fun of him and JBL claims to be Henry’s biggest fan. JBL says he’d love to see Mizark in action tonight and Mizark says he wants to fight tonight. With some egging on from JBL, Henry agrees to take on four Superstars in a Gauntlet Match because that’s what he does.
Gauntlet Match (*)
Jimmy Uso is the first challenge for Mark Henry. Well, challenge isn’t really a good word. Henry flattens him in less than a minute with The World’s Strongest Slam. Jey Uso tries to see if he can do better than his brother. Well, he lasted longer but was mocked by Henry when he was in a submission and Mizark told him “Look at your brother! Look what he got!” Henry is awesome. Jey got some offense in with a Superkick and his running ass ram but Henry put him away with The World’s Strongest Slam.
It took Henry all of four minutes to dispose of The Usos. The show heads to commercial and when it came back, Santino Marella was the next victim. Santino got some brief offense in after Henry missed and elbow drop. The English fans were too busy Fandangoing to care. Santino even hit The Cobra but Henry kicked out and hit the WSS to finish Santino. The fourth and final competitor is The Great Khali. Before this part of the Gauntlet starts we take a commercial.
All I have to say is that The Great Khali is the worst professional wrestler ever. EVER. Khali got a lot of offense in and even had Henry set up for The Punjabi Plunge. Henry reversed it into the WSS. That should have been it but Khali got his foot on the ropes. Khali then hit the second Khali Chop of the match and Henry decided he had enough and walked out of the match and lost the Gauntlet via count out. The Gauntlet went about 22 minutes.
Does WWE like to waste people’s time? What was the point of this? If you want to waste a show putting over what a mean bad ass Henry is then do! Don’t waste twenty minutes only for him to walk out like a coward. That type of booking is just counterproductive. It makes zero sense, ZERO to have this Gauntlet Match is the end result is for Henry to just walk away. That’s not what he does. What he does is kick people’s asses. What a waste.
If a half hour of RAW recaps and Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter spewing nonsense is good TV to you, then the end of Main Event was right up your alley. Me? I like wrestling and guys cutting promos that don’t make me want to throw my TV out the window.
The Verdict- SKIP IT
Show break plugs!
In the weeks that I’m not writing Main Event, I’ll be writing a new column series called The Diagnosis. The first one was posted last week and in it I discuss five guys that could soon be winning their first World Titles soon. If you missed it, check it out here.
Like WWE figures? Like seeing me make a jackass of myself? If you answered yes to either of those questions, then subscribe to my YouTube channel where I review WWE figures. I just uploaded Episode 17 where I reviewed Elite Series 20 Flashback Christian.
WWE Main Event 5/1/13
The show opens with highlights of Kofi Kingston beating Antonio Cesaro for the United States Championship a few weeks ago on RAW. Then we cut to Matt Striker with Cesaro. Matt wants to know what Antonio plans to do to win back the United States Championship. Antonio says he’s going to dominate Kofi because you don’t take things from Antonio Cesaro.
Cesaro was very serious in that promo. I like that side of him. It beats him being a yodeling idiot. Cesaro is changing his look again as he now wears sunglasses and a beret to the ring. It’s a good look for him. Cole says Cesaro has stopped yodeling because he needs to get back to being all business. Thank God. That yodeling shit made him look like a buffoon.
United States Championship Match- Kofi Kingston pinned Antonio Cesaro to retain the Championship (****)
To steal a quote from Daniel Bryan, “YES!” That was a hell of a wrestling match right there. Is that too much to ask for? Is that so hard for them to give us that type of match on Main Event each week? That was awesome.
There were so many innovative moves and great counters in this match. That is what made it truly special. Cesaro dominated much of this 22 minute match. The most impressive thing that he did and it was pretty damn impressive, is that while standing on the second rope and Kofi standing on the apron, he Superplexed Kofi back into the ring. Awesome spot. He injured Kofi’s leg earlier in the match and was using a Half Crab to weaken the leg further which led to another awesome spot. Cesaro was swinging Kofi around by the injured leg and then dropped right down into the Half Crab.
I also liked that Cesaro smartened up from their last match. Kofi tried to roll Antonio onto his feet and hit him with the Trouble in Paradise just like he did in his title victory but this time Cesaro was wise to it. The ending was very well done too. Cesaro went for the Neutralizer but Kofi countered it into a back drop. Cesaro landed on his feet and charged at Kofi. Kingston sidestepped him sending him into the ropes and hit the Trouble in Paradise for the win. Excellent job by both men. I really enjoyed this match. Kofi walked away with the title in this bout but Cesaro really looked like a star. We need more matches like this.
Here comes Matt Striker into the ring to ruin the good time being had by all. Matt asked one of his stupid “how does it feel” questions. Kofi said 2013 started off badly but it’s becoming a great year as he’s now the United States Champion and last week, his wife gave birth to their first son. Congrats to Kofi and Mrs. Kofi.
After the commercial, Kofi is walking on cloud nine in the back. That is until Cesaro jumps him. Cesaro tells Kofi you don’t take from Cesaro. Cesaro takes from you. Antonio then rips out some of Kofi’s dreadlocks. Ouch. It looks like this feud may continue, which I’ll be all for considering how great the match earlier in this show was.
RAW Rebound time with The Shield defeating Team Hell No and John Cena.
Justin Gabriel beat Heath Slater (**1/4)
This was this generation’s Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty battle. Two former Tag Team Champions battling to prove which one is Shawn and which one is Marty. No? Ok, can’t blame a guy for trying to hype a match on a show he’s reviewing, right?
Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre were at ringside for this match. That was until they got on the apron and got involved in the bout and the referee sent them to the showers. This was a real solid, back and forth match. Gabriel picked up the win after 13 minutes when he hit an impressive 450 Splash. This was a bit more impressive than his usual 450 because Slater was halfway across the ring.
The Verdict- SEE IT!!!!
(That’s what she said.)
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