Happy New Year! Now, let’s jump right into THE Main Event Review where Antonio Cesaro defends the United States Championship against The Great Khali.
Michael Cole and The Miz are in the ring to start the show. Cole tells us that later tonight they will reveal the WWE doctor’s decision on whether CM Punk will be able to defend his WWE Championship against Ryback on RAW this Monday.
Cole then tosses it to a video of Antonio Cesaro’s highlights. After the video, Cesaro comes out and complains about his video. This goes on until The Miz tells Cesaro is he doesn’t like it here then he can leave. Cole stops the two from arguing and then shows us a highlight video of The Great Khali. Instead of the video being of the former World Heavyweight Champion, monster Khali it is of the joke, comedy character Khali. We then head to the back where Matt Striker is with the challenger. Striker tries to conduct the interview but Khali’s posse, Hornswoggle and Natalya are there asking 148 questions all pertaining to if Khali is ready for the match. Khali tells them they worry too much and then starts chanting “USA” as he walks to the ring.
Poor Natalya, she is one of the only girls on the roster that is an actual wrestler and she barely wrestles. She was the farting chick. Now she is Khali’s arm candy. It’s gotten so bad that they have her saying things such as Khali reminds her of her Uncle Bret. Really? Like I said, poor Natalya.
United States Championship Match- Antonio Cesaro pinned The Great Khali to retain the Championship (*1/4)
Cesaro was able to get ten, not that horrendous minutes out of Khali. It’s really hard for Khali to have a match these days. His offense consists of chops and terrible clotheslines. Cesaro’s offense was mostly him working over the knees of Khali. Cesaro hit his uppercut and then hit another while coming off the second rope. He then hit the Neutralizer for the win. That was an impressive sight. This was a dominant, clean win for the champ.
After the match, Striker is in the ring with Cesaro. Cesaro says he doesn’t hate America. He is just superior to all of us Americans. He calls Americans soft and then calls Miz a “pudgy, little chipmunk”. Ok…They trade hair jokes. You know, Cesaro is bald and Miz uses product. The Miz goes onto give his best babyface promo to date. He had easy material to work with. He was touting how great America is and calling Cesaro “Euro-trash with a man purse.” He ends it all by saying you’re in America and it’s Awesome. I hope they go ahead with a nice feud between Miz and Cesaro. It could and should be very entertaining.
After a commercial, Cole shows a Tout from the WWE doctor that says Punk is cleared to compete in the TLC WWE Championship Match on RAW this Monday. It’s going to be very interesting to see how they book that match.
Kofi Kingston lost the Intercontinental Championship to Wade Barrett on RAW this past Monday. He is joining Cole and Miz at the announce table. Kofi announces that he will be getting his title rematch on SmackDown this Friday. Wade Barrett comes out and he’s angry that Kofi called his title win “a onetime thing”. Kofi says having that title is in his DNA and he needs it back. Wade calls Kofi an overhyped gymnast and then challenges anyone in the locker room to a gauntlet match.
Wade Barrett’s Gauntlet (**)
First up is Yoshi Tatsu. Yoshi threw a couple of air kicks and then got caught with the Bullhammer. Thanks for coming Yoshi. JTG is next up. He gets some offense in but falls victim to the Bullhammer as well. The third man out is Justin Gabriel. Gabriel and Barrett had themselves a nice little match but again it was Gabriel falling to the Bullhammer. Cole was wondering who was next and then Kofi Kingston’s music played. He hit the ring, hit his offense and then pinned the Intercontinental Champion after he was in action for 13 minutes.
I get why they had Kofi pin Wade. They were hyping the rematch on SmackDown. My complaint is how was Kofi able to have his music played and be the fourth man in the gauntlet? It seemed as if Barrett just announced the gauntlet on the fly when he came to the ring? How did Kofi get himself involved in the match? Did he text Vince McMahon in the gorilla position? It doesn’t matter in the long run but it is things like this that bother me as a fan because is blatantly exposes the show as fake. Create the illusion for me. That’s all I ask.
The show ends with Cole telling us that the Main Event next week is Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus. YES!
The first Main Event of 2013 was ok. I’ll give it a 4.5/10. I’m really looking forward to next week’s match. Ziggler and Sheamus getting 20+ minutes, thank you! Instead of writing a couple of sentences about a show WWE already forgot about, I want to take this space to give you my first rant of 2013 and I’m calling it…
The Rock Rant
I’m sorry but if you are hating on The Rock, you are just flat out wrong. I’m under the impression that the IWC will hate on anything. The problem is that The Rock shows up when he wants and has wrestled one singles match in seven years and finds himself in a WWE Championship Match at the Royal Rumble. Some see it as a problem, I don’t. The Rock has done everything there is to do in WWE. He is back now because he wants to be back. He’s here to create buzz in WWE and give us fans great, entertaining TV. I’m not in love with the idea of him taking the title off of Punk but so what if he does? Think of it like a lifetime achievement award. He deserves it. He and Stone Cold Steve Austin are the biggest reasons WWE survived the Monday Night War. He is a legend in this business that can still go at a high level. We all want one more match out of Austin or hope Hulk Hogan and Bret Hart had anything left to give us another match. The Rock is on the level with those guys and he still can give us that one more match. Enjoy it. Stop complaining. More people will watch the Royal Rumble with The Rock headlining than if he wasn’t there. Just look at the WrestleMania numbers as proof. If you can’t enjoy a Rock/CM Punk feud then you’re watching wrestling for all the wrong reasons. The amount of anti-Rock sentiment astonishes me. It is unfounded to this mediocre writer. This mediocre writer that watch every moment of The Attitude Era and knows how awesome The Rock is and knows that WWE needs The Rock back because they don’t have anyone on the roster that can match his talent and charisma. The Rock is one of the greatest of all time. If he wants to show up five times a year and win the WWE Championship, I’ll take it. I’ll enjoy it and I’ll be entertained by it and you should be too.
(That’s what she said.)
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Thank you for reading.