Good evening, NXT faithful. Let’s cut to the chase this week and get right to the show.

NXT opened with the tag champs, the Wyatt Family, beating the snot out of Travis Tyler and Sawyer Fulton. I don’t know who they are either. Stephanie McMahon then announced via backstage vignette that there will be a tournament over the coming weeks to crown an NXT Diva’s champion. My money’s still on Paige and Summer Rae in the final.

Emma beat Audrey Marie. Renee Young tried to interview a hick looking tag team only to be interrupted by their French manager. I think I typed that right. That hill-jack team of Scott Dawson and Garrett Dylatt beat Jake Carter and Brandon Traven. Big E Langston then beat Derrick Bateman. If you’re keeping count, that’s three fired people on this show so far.

In the main event, Bo Dallas won an 18 man battle royal for a chance at Big E’s NXT title.

Sounds squash heavy, doesn’t it? Let’s discuss.

Everybody loves Emma:

At some point between Emma’s transformation into a dancing fool and tonight’s episode, where she beat Audrey Marie into retirement, the NXT crowd realized they loved them some Emma. What’s not to like? She’s pretty, she’s so goofy she becomes endearing, and she has the rare ability to make that thing that usually only happens at independent wrestling shows held near Philadelphia, where music starts playing mid-match and shenanigans ensue, happen in the confines of the WWE. Also, she’s got a pretty wicked Muta lock too. I’m pretty sure it’s actually more effective because of the dancing. Keeps her limber.

Six degrees of Lance Storm:

Tonight NXT introduced a red-neck tag team. So far they wear vests, hats and may or may not drink BBQ sauce on the way to the ring. They also employ the services of a man named Sylvester LeFort as their manager. Lefort is probably the most interesting thing about them, considering he’s French, looks like a combination of Macho Man Randy Savage and Paul Ellering, and was trained by Lance Storm. He would be Storm trainee #3 behind Mike Dalton and Emma. I’m not sure why Lefort is hanging out with the stereotypical American red-necks, but that odd dynamic seems to be their entire gimmick at this point. Dawson and Dylan ended up winning their match with a spinebuster into a double axe-handle off the top. Why the second dude had to land on his butt in order to hit a move as weak as a double axe-handle I’ll probably never know.

You’re all fired!:

Remember all those people who were released by the WWE recently? Well, five out of the seven appeared on this episode of NXT, finishing out their employment by losing to more established talent. Bateman lost to Big E Langston after like three moves. Audrey Marie submitted to Emma’s Muta Lock without much trouble. Brandon Traven became King Jobber and lost so the new redneck team could look good. Briley Pierce and Sakamoto got eliminated first in the battle royal. Speaking of which…..

Buh-buh-buh-buh-Battle Royal:

I love it when NXT decides to do a Battle Royal. It’s different, it’s fresh, and it’s also kind of humorous to watch the booking team figure out what to do with five or six very green or otherwise useless wrestlers. This time they fed them to Mason Ryan, who gladly chucked out wrester after wrestler until he had a great big pile of jobbers at ringside. He then grabbed Sami Zane and threw him on top of said pile, because what’s a Battle Royal if someone doesn’t get thrown all the way to the floor? Adrian Neville would be the one to eliminate Ryan, leaving only the people you’d actually expect to win the match, himself, Ohno, Graves, Dallas, Wyatt, and O’ Brian, still in the ring. After some eliminations that saw Ohno and Graves team up and Wyatt eliminate them both (yey continued storylines) Adrian Neville looked to win it all after throwing out Bray Wyatt . He and his buddy Bo Dallas fought it out as the final two but Dallas countered Neville’s twisting SSP with knees and tossed him over the top to win his first title shot and another victory for lame wrestlers everywhere.

Over at the commentary desk, Big E Langston seemed less than worried about Dallas’s chances, which makes sense. I mean, if you were Big E would you really think that Bo freaking Dallas would have any chance of beating you and taking your title?

No, that’d be silly. Big E Langston is huge and humorous and popular and Bo Dallas is boring and forced down our throats all the time. The WWE wouldn’t put the NXT title on such a goober. Right?

….

Right?

Twitter.com/LonestarTJR